HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!!

Today is Ethan's 9th Birthday. It's so hard to believe it's been 9 years since he was born. 9 years that we have been blessed with his sweet smile, his contagious laugh, his loving nature, his easy going personality, his amazing strength, his bravery, his endurance, his unbelievable progress and determination, his surprising sensitivity and compassion for people when they are sad, his innocence.

On January 17th, 2000, during a routine ultrasound when I was 18 weeks along, they told us we were having another boy, and I remember getting a little teary because I thought for sure it was going to be a girl. That was the last time I can ever even fathom caring what the gender of a baby would be because in less than 5 minutes after that, the tech started acting weird and went out to find the doctor. We both knew something was wrong, and when the doctor came in and confirmed it, all I could think about was how I would be happy to have another boy, as long as everything was okay with him. What the doctor found was that the baby had a slight problem in his cerebellum. That lead us to do an amnio, which lead to a diagnosis of an "unbalanced translocation of chromosomes 7 & 11". His prognosis was poor. IF he lived past birth, he would never sit up, eat solid food, walk, probably even laugh.

It was the worst day of our lives. The devistation of hearing that news about a much wanted, and planned for pregnancy is not even something you can describe with words.

At that point we had a two week window that we could terminate the pregnancy. We read every piece of literature we could get our hands on and prayed every kind of prayer we could imagine. We talked to Bishops, missionaries, God, friends, people with kids with disabilities, and each other. We both withdrew from the world and did the bare minimum of being normal because we had Chase. But it was hard. That time seems like such a blur now.

What I do know about that time is that I developed a testimony. I do know that there is no true "church". I found that religion and spirituality is inside of us and is a very intimate, personal thing for every single person. God is there. I do know that. "He" gave me the knowledge that church is organized to help bring people together for worship, family values and community. But it has nothing to do with being at the closest level to "Him". That is inside of us. Between us and God. And absolutely nobody else. The answer we did get didn't seem like an answer until about a year later, when we looked back and realized that us not being able to make that decision was the best decision we ever made. To do nothing and let things happen how they might.

All we knew was that the baby was kicking, and every much our son as Chase was. We went in for several detailed ultrasounds and found everything else was right on target. He had nothing physically wrong or any signs that he would be a sick child. So we decided that we could not be the ones to end his life and that whatever was meant to be, would be. And that we would deal with whatever needs he might bring.

The only thing we asked of God was to make our son happy. Honestly, that is all we asked for. That would make everything else worth it.

Well, here we are 9 years later. Ethan is delayed both physically and mentally. He doesn't sleep well, so he wakes us up several times a night. That is the hard part of being his parent. But he is nothing like what they told us. He is walking, eating everything, he laughs deep belly laughs and loves music and roller coasters. He doesn't need a single piece of medical equipment (besides his silly arm guards - he likes to suck on his fingers). And aside from a few surgeries for kidney reflux and tubes in his ears, and a couple of very scary blood infections from the kidney infections and three hospital stays a long time ago, he is a healthy, amazing little boy, who is learning more and more every day. Most important, he is happy. If you know Ethan, you know he's happy. Smiling and laughing most of the day.
Thank you God.

He amazes us. To our very cores. Sometimes I just stare at him and wonder why were were so blessed to get him. I will never know, but I do know that we cherish him. Every day.

Happy Birthday sweet Ethan. You are so loved sweet boy.

Caribbean Spring Break 09'

It was hard to leave Ethan with Grandmas and Grandpa, but we decided to treat the other two boys to a "normal" family vacation. Chase hasn't had one since he was 4 and Julian has never had one. We always go somewhere over spring break, but we've always gone with the grandparents so we could have help with Ethan. This year they offered to just take him for a week so we could just go and give all of our attention on the other boys. Ethan hates travelling anyway. So he was happy as could be spending the week with his grandparents.

Anyway, I can't even tell you what an amazing week we had. The relaxation (a normal amount with a four year old), lots of REM sleep, no diapers, no strollers, no crying (for mommy), no frustration (besides the normal amount), etc. etc.

Our trip started April 5th. We flew into San Juan, Puerto Rico. Our cruise sailed out that evening. We hopped on the Carnival Victory, unloaded in our room and started the relaxing by the pool.

Our itinerary was:
Day 1. St. Thomas
Day 2. Dominica
Day 3. Barbados
Day 4. St. Lucia
Day 5. Antigua
Day 6. St. Kitts

We planned to spend that whole next day and night in San Juan to explore it a little.

There is so much to tell. So little time to write about it. So here are some of the highlights.

Dominica was BEAUTIFUL. We hiked up a rainforest to a volcanic hot pot and waterfall. Chad and Chase hiked up further to soak in the pool of the fall. It was so amazing.

In St. Lucia we went on a Pirate Extravaganza. It was on a real pirate ship that was used in Pirates of the Caribbean II and Roots. They had pirates, a mock battle and all the free rum punch we could drink. We sailed to a deserted island and snorkeled and played in the clear water. It was so much fun. The kids had so much fun. The pirates let the boys steer the ship (for real), and Chad took home a nice sea urchin wound on his knee. That trip was well worth the money.

In Antigua, Chad and Chase went on the canopy tour. They went deep into the rainforest and zip-lined around. They said it was fun.

St. Kitts was beautiful. We didn't go with a "ship excursion" (too expensive). So we went on our own. We got ourselves a taxi and toured around the island. Our taxi driver was very knowledgeable about the island and gave us a good tour. We ended up at an amazing beach and swam the rest of the day. Such fun.

San Juan was beautiful. Chad took Chase sight-seeing in Old San Juan. I stayed back at the hotel with Jule to play at the beach. We ate AMAZING Puerto Rican food that night and Julian of course made friends with a little Puerto Rican boy who was there with his family. So he was entertained while we ate. It was a perfect trip. everything just seemed to go right.

On the ship, Julian was a very popular little character. Everybody knew him by name and he made lots of friends from the Dominican Republic (the cutest little girls who didn't speak any English, but tried to take care of him like he was their own). He spent the entire time in the pool and on the waterslide. They had a little kids club where he went a few times and had a blast there too. Ugh. Too much fun to tell it all.

Chase went to a 12-14 year old kids club of his own. He had a blast too. He was always gone doing something with those kids and he loved having the freedom to come and go (and eat) when he wanted to. He came home with lots of emails from kids all over the world and he's doing a great job keeping in touch. He said he wants to go on a cruise again soon. Sorry Chase.

Chad and I had a great time too. The sleep was amazing and so were the places we saw. It was hard to leave Ethan, but after seeing the fun that the boys had, it was worth it for them.

Thanks Grandma and Granpa P. and Grandma A. We don't know what we would do without you guys.